I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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