we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
