i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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