He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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