just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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