I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He better not be in your backpack
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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