its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
