I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
