OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize