Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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