Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
