yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my being single is dangerous.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize