doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You ate ashes out of my bong
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
