WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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