His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
