I'm really into asian looking animals
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
