Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
