When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
