everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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