Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize