The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
