i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
