if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize