What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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