wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you told grandpa to call you daddy
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
