i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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