would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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