# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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