Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she woke up with a sticky ear
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
