Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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