Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
