I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
