I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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