i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
