I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
