So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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