I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
