last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
worst night to have a conscience
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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