Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
