You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
