So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
