connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
