it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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