New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
