Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
