I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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