I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
