So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize