Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Quick, to the slutcave!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
