He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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