She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Life is so much better after having sex.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
