Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
cat food counts as protein by the way
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
