I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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