When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
