you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
