after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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