I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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