Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
