Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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