saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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