need another drink. this is the easiest way
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
