She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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