so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
