The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
