I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
