what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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