I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
