It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
