dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
