if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
