He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize