i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
