No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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