Im at strip club and am horny
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
