The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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