At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
