I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
