did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think i got beer on your cat.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
