Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
