wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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