Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
