Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What drink are we having for lunch?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Couch. On fire.
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