Don't make out with my wife yet
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
